just a cycle

maybe it's only natural once you start getting used to doing something, but my life's become a big cycle of going to work and looking forward to stuff. whether that's Friday each week, or trips I've planned, or trips I intend to go on, I'm just always looking forward to stuff, even if what I'm looking forward to ends up not being quite as exciting as I'd imagined (most weekends aren't).

perhaps this is the way working life is supposed to be. put in your hours, looking forward to the next time you're going on vacation or hanging out with friends/family or whatever. and I guess ultimately looking forward to retirement. just an ongoing existence wherein enjoyment of life is inescapably tied to time spent not working - weekends, vacations, parties, movies, TV, retirement. and within the workday, I find myself looking forward to lunch break, looking forward to quittin' time. is this pretty much gonna be the format for the next forty or so years? perpetually looking forward to time spent not working? better than not working, I suppose.

something needs to change - either I have to change my perspective, or I have to change my course. I've taken another part of the CPA since my last post, so assuming I passed that one, I have just one left, which I've started studying for. so another thing I'm looking forward to is being done with this test. but then what? I really don't know.

funny thing about the CPA. the Becker guys keep joking that we're going for it so we can make a lot of money. but I know that if I stay at the company I'm at right now, the CPA is of limited use. no bonus, no increase in salary, no increased chance of promotion, which is understandable considering the company pays for everything (classes, exam fees, membership fees after getting the designation). but the best way to benefit from the CPA would be to take another job or start a private practice - basically, to quit. sucks for the company that paid for the employee to get the credentials, but it's somewhat inevitable. if the CPA is gonna serve me better elsewhere, I'd be stupid to stay.

anyway, I don't know where my life is going. I don't know if I'm ok with being bored for the next forty years. maybe if I get paid enough I'll be ok with it. but how much is enough? Jesus, take the wheel.

inconsistent

I know I haven't been posting as often as I'd hoped to be posting, but I've been rather busy. I'm taking REG in a week, and there's a good amount of material I still want to review before then. But at least after that, I'll be much more relaxed. Hopefully don't have to take this one again either. God help me, because my discipline is grossly (yes, I say grossly) inadequate.

I've been buying a LOT of things in the past week or so. I need to curb my spending for the next few weeks. Some purchases may have been wiser than others, but I don't regret any of the purchases.... yet.

I really need to figure out what I want to do with my life. All I know right now is I'm not thrilled about where I am. I can bear with it a bit more, though. In the meantime, I do consider myself blessed to have an arguably decent-paying job.

Some time ago, I read about David living among the Philistines for a time while he was running from Saul, the king of Israel at the time. While he was there, he actually had to act a certain way in order to better fit in with the Philistines and be able to stay safe from Saul. This time couldn't have been easy for David, since living with the enemy is a pretty strange situation for someone who's supposed to become king of Israel. Thing is, David already knew that he was eventually going to be king, so this must've stumped him. But he got through it, even saw success while with the Philistines, and went on to fulfill his destiny and become king of Israel.

I feel like for me, my current profession is like David's time with the Philistines. Although unlike David I don't know exactly where I'm going to end up, I have a pretty good idea that where I'm at is not it. My job right now is to excel where I am, even if I don't particularly like it (I'm sure David wasn't a big fan of helping his enemies out). And I have to keep the faith, that when the time is right, God's gonna lead me to the next thing, bring me closer to where I'm supposed to go.

I do believe this is what God meant for me to get from the passage I read, but it's often difficult to maintain this view of my life. Pursuing the CPA sure doesn't help. Life will be much, much better after it's over. I still think of it as a waste of a year, though.