lost my lunch

as I was heating up my lunch today in the kitchen at the office, I noticed that the container looked a bit different from the ones I typically bring from home. I opened it up expecting to find leftovers that I knew my mom had cooked the other day, but instead found a meal that looked unfamiliar, albeit appetizing.

since the food and the container and the saran wrap were all relatively similar to what I would have expected, and after all, I knew I had taken it from the fridge in my house, I figured:

• my mom packed me lunch from some secret stash of tasty food she didn't tell me about
  
• this different-looking container was probably at home the whole time; I just never noticed it before
• I've already opened it, it'll look weird if I suddenly pack it up and put it back, and it's lunch time and I'm hungry
  

so I ate it. and it was really good... but altogether nothing I'd ever eaten at home or brought to work from home before (aside from rice). there was pork that had been pan-fried with some batter on the outside... like tonkatsu. and a smattering of Chinese vegetables, but they didn't douse the rice with watered-down oyster sauce like the home-cooked variety often does.

after thoroughly enjoying lunch, I called my mom, who had taken the day off, to ask 1) when did she make this food without me noticing and 2) why she'd been holding out on me. she picked up, but instead of "hello," she greeted me with "that wasn't my lunch."

she brought lunch to work yesterday but ended up not eating it, so she brought it home and put it in the fridge.... or so she thought. turns out she brought home her boss's lunch and left hers (I guess her boss didn't eat his lunch either yesterday). her boss had called her to ask about this just before I called to express my appreciation. he ate her lunch and called it even, though. but his lunch was bangin' so I think I win.

in other news, I think the bathroom clean-up crew at work is on vacation. for the last two days, that place has smelled disgusting. not like a bad case of leftovers for lunch... just like people been aiming badly.

great weekend

I visited my cousin Katrina, her husband Paul, and their cute daughter Anna this weekend in State College, PA. Also met up with an old friend from back in the day Fords who's now getting her PhD. at Penn State. Overall a really fun time.

I drove over with two others - one a friend from college with whom I'd planned this trip weeks before, and one an acquaintance from work who asked if she could join us the night before. We set out rather late, and stopped for dinner at Cracker Barrel.

Our waitress was very nice... maybe too nice. She came to check on us relatively early on; so early, in fact, that we only had water at the time. So because she stopped at our table looking like she was gonna say something, she had to say something, but since we had only water, that's all she could ask about, so she asked us how our water was. And unfortunately, that made the rest of the night's interactions with her sort of awkward. I tipped her pretty well, though. A for effort!

My niece Anna is so cute, and so smart! At one point, we were at a park, and her parents got on a balance beam and were trying to push each other off. I was carrying her, and before long she started crying hard. She's only just turned one, but she understands what's going on. I think that's just amazing.

Good times. Great weekend. Tomorrow I start my new full-time position at work. Well, actually I'll be in training. But my salary will be bigger :)

that was short-lived

I did that few-things-a-day thing for two days and then fell off the grid with it. I'm determined to make this stick, though, so I'll start again. Today, pay credit cards and file stuff away (again). Rest of my time will/should probably be filled up with studying.

Went to see a friend this week who installed my bindings onto my snowboard, and saw his daughter again... last time I saw her was probably Christmas, and she was just starting to crawl. Now she walks (correction - runs), and talks. Amazing how fast kids grow up.

Next weekend I'm visiting my cousin in Pennsylvania, gonna see her daughter again. Can't wait. Also gonna get to see an old friend from Fords back in the day.

I hope to finish studying for this (hopefully) last part of the CPA by the end of the month (ambitious, I know), so I can take the exam perhaps toward the end of October.

I also have to really get working on planning my trip to the Philippines. Figure out where I want to go and when. That has to get taken care of real soon.

Pastor Lloyd's message this week was great as always, but something he mentioned toward the end of his message kinda hit me. Sometimes he'll talk about the influence that we, the body and the laypeople, can have on people, because we so often to an extent "delegate" the "task" of reaching souls for the gospel to pastors and other Christian leaders. This week, he talked about taking someone under your wing, befriending them and getting to know them, all the while leading them gradually towards Jesus.

For a while now, I've been wondering why God has me where I am right now. But recently, I had the opportunity to share a bit about the Gospel with a friend at work. Since then there have been a few times that we've spent some time together one-on-one, and I've started to see that maybe God wants to use me to reach out to this friend. This message was the most recent of the signals that I've been getting. I guess I kinda knew that God had orchestrated me to get this job in particular for a reason, but didn't really see what the reason was. I'm starting to see now that until I finish what God wants me to do in this office, I'm not going anywhere.

to-do today

Yesterday's tasks went well. My desk is a good deal cleaner than it was, and my shoes look pretty good. Only thing is my left shoe must've hit something at some point, because there's a small mark on it. Nothing I can't fix in a few minutes, though.

Today's tasks:

• Finally write the check to pay my parents back for the CPA classes and registration that they paid for
• Vacuum my room
• Finish half of the homework for Lecture 1 for the part of the CPA I'm studying for (perhaps not so attainable)

Going to happy hour with some people from work in a few minutes, as a last hurrah for the summer. Starting next week, it's back to suits and ties for gents, and whatever qualifies as business dress for the ladies.

I've already brought most of the ties I intend to wear to the office, and they're in my drawer; I'll wear the tie when I get here. After all, I typically go to the gym in the morning, and how many people walk into the building wearing their gym clothes? Also, that way I'll never forget my tie. And if I find that the tie I chose earlier is not to my liking, easy remedy.

Now to remember how to tie that backwards tie from the Matrix....

daily goals

Starting today, I want to make and meet at least one goal in my personal life each day. Might be a small thing, but just something to achieve each day.

Why? There's too many things that I've left undone or partly done, and this will give me a manageable plan of action for tackling these tasks, which include cleaning my room, re-stringing my guitar, and planning trips I intend to take in the near future. By taking a few small things each day, it should be manageable yet effective.

Tasks for today:

• Shine my brown shoes (maybe while watching Leverage)
• Pay my credit card bill(s)
• File away old credit card bills, pay stubs, bank statements, etc.

There. That's pretty manageable. Before next week, I want to re-string my guitar, plan out my trip to State College, and gather some clothes to get tailored.

just a cycle

maybe it's only natural once you start getting used to doing something, but my life's become a big cycle of going to work and looking forward to stuff. whether that's Friday each week, or trips I've planned, or trips I intend to go on, I'm just always looking forward to stuff, even if what I'm looking forward to ends up not being quite as exciting as I'd imagined (most weekends aren't).

perhaps this is the way working life is supposed to be. put in your hours, looking forward to the next time you're going on vacation or hanging out with friends/family or whatever. and I guess ultimately looking forward to retirement. just an ongoing existence wherein enjoyment of life is inescapably tied to time spent not working - weekends, vacations, parties, movies, TV, retirement. and within the workday, I find myself looking forward to lunch break, looking forward to quittin' time. is this pretty much gonna be the format for the next forty or so years? perpetually looking forward to time spent not working? better than not working, I suppose.

something needs to change - either I have to change my perspective, or I have to change my course. I've taken another part of the CPA since my last post, so assuming I passed that one, I have just one left, which I've started studying for. so another thing I'm looking forward to is being done with this test. but then what? I really don't know.

funny thing about the CPA. the Becker guys keep joking that we're going for it so we can make a lot of money. but I know that if I stay at the company I'm at right now, the CPA is of limited use. no bonus, no increase in salary, no increased chance of promotion, which is understandable considering the company pays for everything (classes, exam fees, membership fees after getting the designation). but the best way to benefit from the CPA would be to take another job or start a private practice - basically, to quit. sucks for the company that paid for the employee to get the credentials, but it's somewhat inevitable. if the CPA is gonna serve me better elsewhere, I'd be stupid to stay.

anyway, I don't know where my life is going. I don't know if I'm ok with being bored for the next forty years. maybe if I get paid enough I'll be ok with it. but how much is enough? Jesus, take the wheel.

inconsistent

I know I haven't been posting as often as I'd hoped to be posting, but I've been rather busy. I'm taking REG in a week, and there's a good amount of material I still want to review before then. But at least after that, I'll be much more relaxed. Hopefully don't have to take this one again either. God help me, because my discipline is grossly (yes, I say grossly) inadequate.

I've been buying a LOT of things in the past week or so. I need to curb my spending for the next few weeks. Some purchases may have been wiser than others, but I don't regret any of the purchases.... yet.

I really need to figure out what I want to do with my life. All I know right now is I'm not thrilled about where I am. I can bear with it a bit more, though. In the meantime, I do consider myself blessed to have an arguably decent-paying job.

Some time ago, I read about David living among the Philistines for a time while he was running from Saul, the king of Israel at the time. While he was there, he actually had to act a certain way in order to better fit in with the Philistines and be able to stay safe from Saul. This time couldn't have been easy for David, since living with the enemy is a pretty strange situation for someone who's supposed to become king of Israel. Thing is, David already knew that he was eventually going to be king, so this must've stumped him. But he got through it, even saw success while with the Philistines, and went on to fulfill his destiny and become king of Israel.

I feel like for me, my current profession is like David's time with the Philistines. Although unlike David I don't know exactly where I'm going to end up, I have a pretty good idea that where I'm at is not it. My job right now is to excel where I am, even if I don't particularly like it (I'm sure David wasn't a big fan of helping his enemies out). And I have to keep the faith, that when the time is right, God's gonna lead me to the next thing, bring me closer to where I'm supposed to go.

I do believe this is what God meant for me to get from the passage I read, but it's often difficult to maintain this view of my life. Pursuing the CPA sure doesn't help. Life will be much, much better after it's over. I still think of it as a waste of a year, though.

google voice

I just got Google Voice! My number is 732-698-8636. If you already have my cell, go ahead and stick with that, but this is the number I'm giving out from now on.

Now, a brief diatribe on why this makes my life just a little bit more awesome than it was before.

When you call the number above, it will ring all the phones that I have linked it to, based on a schedule that I've set (e.g., don't ring at home while I'm at work). If you're an unknown caller, it'll ask you who you are, and then tell me who you are before asking if I want to connect. I can also send & receive SMS texts through that number.

I think my favorite part about it so far is voice mail. It provides its own voice mail, and I can access it from any phone or online. Online, it transcribes voice messages into text, so I can read my voice mail. It's like a step up from the iPhone's visual voice mail. Also, it alerts me via e-mail and text whenever I have new voice mail.

So far so good. I don't know all that much about it yet. I'm sure as I continue using it, I'll learn more.

punch ball kick ball

It's been a while. More than a week. At least I haven't completely abandoned the blog.

Some time ago, I made a Facebook status update about Punch Ball Kick Ball, and since it seems no one really knows what it is, I've taken it upon myself to provide a description of this great game.

The game of Punch Ball Kick Ball (to be referred to as P&K ball from now on) is an unfailingly amazing variation of kickball. As you hopefully know, kickball is essentially baseball with a bigger ball and no bat. P&K ball is nothing like baseball. It's just awesome.

First off, the reason it's called Punch Ball Kick Ball is because when a player is up, he/she can elect to hold up his/her hand to ask the pitcher to bounce the ball rather than roll it, so it can be punched rather than kicked. The main advantage is that you can punch it directly down, so you don't get out because someone caught it. But kicking has a big advantage too for the more athletic types.

P&K ball can only be played indoors (in a large gymnasium) for its full effect. If the player kicks or punches the ball behind the basketball hoop, it's a "field goal" worth 5 runs. Getting the ball in the basket earns the team 10 runs.

One thing that makes P&K ball so much fun is the way the bases work. Unlike baseball and kickball, in which only one person can be on a base at a time, there is no forcing in P&K ball - as long as there's room on the base (typically pretty big, like a mat), anyone on it is safe. Also, stealing bases is allowed at any time (to even the odds a bit, the defending team can peg runners dodgeball style).

The bases themselves are also a lot of fun. They're not just places to stand. A lot of them are various gym-type obstacles that runners have to climb and jump off to proceed. And after arriving at "home," the runner may elect to either stop there and get back in line to kick/punch, or keep running - back to first base and around again. So unless the player gets tagged or pegged out, he/she can keep running until the inning is over.

Innings are also longer, or feel longer, because each team gets about 10 outs before they have to switch sides. They still go pretty fast since the defending team can peg runners at any time, but ending scores are usually pretty high.

I think that's about it. Great game. Played it in middle school - Fords Middle School. I miss it a lot and wish I could play again. Unlimited running, obstacle course bases... what more could you want?

Also a great way for the gym teachers to keep the kids active and engaged, I'm sure.

what a blast

Just had a great weekend. Visited cousins in State College, PA, as well as my niece Anna, and the whole trip was just magical. In addition to the great things we were able to experience in State College, it was wonderful to spend time with the cousins, and definitely worth the four-hour drive to see that cute little girl.

Ate Austrian food for the first time, and it was good. Not much in the area of plating design, but definitely delicious. Fun place to eat, too.

Also got a chance to do some shooting with my cousin's shotgun. Didn't even have to pay to use the range. Pennsylvania's got it's perks.

Stinks that it was such a short visit. Need to go again soon.

titles that have nothing to do with the content

That does happen sometimes. For instance, my post from earlier today. I shall explain.

To put it briefly, it's inspired by a line from Relient K's "Be My Escape."

What I failed to include previously is that it's only thanks to God's grace that I was able to recognize the deficiencies in myself to get to a place where I could clearly see that I was heading in a direction away from where I need to go. And of course only thanks to God's grace that I could even hope to turn things around.

The line I love from the aforementioned song is "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." I think that line is brilliant, because how often do we groan about life being unfair? Most of the time, when we say that life isn't fair, it's in reference to something we don't like.

But if life were completely fair, we could never be saved. God made us perfect, but we messed it up. In order to bring us back, He had to tip the scales. He sent Jesus down to take our punishment (death) for us, and allowed us the opportunity to appear before him blameless, if we would only accept that gift and recognize that Jesus took the payment for our wrongdoing. That's cheating. That's not fair. But I thank God for it every day.

Something I like that my pastor has said:
Justice is getting what you deserve. Mercy is not getting what you deserve. Grace is getting what you don't deserve.

Thank God life isn't fair.

thank God life's not fair

I don't know what's wrong with me. Started with a cough, but now my head gets dizzy sometimes too. And the cough's gotten worse. Robitussin ain't helping too much. I hope it's not a flu of any kind. I don't feel like taking any days off, but I also don't feel like getting my colleagues sick.

Weekend's been pretty good so far, aside from being sick. Awakened my inner child at an indoor amusement park on Friday. But then after dinner realized that it's time for me to make a decision as to the type of person I'm going to be. Time to man up.

While driving home from dinner, I started to realize that for some time now, I've been flirting with the line between being a true Christ follower and being someone who just shows up at church on Sunday (or Saturday, as the case may be). It's rather like what C.S. Lewis wrote about in Mere Christianity when he discussed the worldly Christian who considers himself more "sophisticated" than his Christian friends, yet rests in the thought that unlike his heathen friends, he has a place in Heaven. I was convicted by that when I read it about two years ago, and I'm still kind of in that rut. I certainly enjoy hanging out with friends from church and such, but I still find myself subscribing to the world's perspective on having fun (i.e., bars, clubs, lounges, etc.). And the funny thing is, even though I'll go to these places, I never really have a good time. In fact, I don't know why I even keep going.

True, I haven't really done anything that compromises my values, but I sense that deep inside, there has been a real willingness to do so, given the chance. And Jesus said that whatever evil desire you have inwardly, you've already committed that sin. So I'm definitely guilty on all counts there. And if I don't turn around, thoughts will translate into actions, and those actions will make me into someone I now realize I never want to be.

I can think of two main ways men can interact with women. Men can either focus on having a good time with them, or treat them as friends (or, of course, ignore them). Certainly there are rewards for both approaches, but Friday night taught me that the rewards for the second approach are much better. It also taught me that until I make that Rubicon decision to act and think and live rightly, I'm lacking power and authority, and I'm a wimp. Until I man up, I can't speak up when I don't like what's going on.

I've decided to make a change. I will no longer be lenient on myself regarding sin, whether in thought or action. I'll no longer let fear of making it awkward or looking stupid or anything stop me from speaking up against what I know is wrong. If I don't like what's going on, I will do something about it, so help me God.

It's gotten too hard trying to stand without a backbone. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I'll grow one.

back to it

Kinda missing that every day deal, but I'll try to make up for it.

Weekend was nice. Went to a block party in Kearny, joined in a picnic/pig roast with our friend's church. Ghattas showed up too, got to catch up with him a bit. We were planning to watch the New York fireworks on the Hudson, but mom wasn't feeling too good, so we headed home. Interestingly enough, she was feeling better by the time we were in Milltown, so we just parked and went to watch fireworks there.

We thought that it would be cool to watch fireworks up close, so we were pretty psyched when we found a spot close to where the fireworks were being fired off. However, it was a nice show for about two minutes before we realized that we should probably not sit so close next time. The view is great until the residue starts falling on you.

Went to a graduation party Sunday after church. Good times. Playgrounds are fun for all ages. Or maybe I'm just a big kid.

Just watched Gran Torino. Great movie. Now I feel like watching all the Dirty Harry films.

siesta?

Been pretty tired lately, so I'm planning to try this thing called the Siesta Method, wherein you take a 20-minute nap during the day, then sleep six hours at night, and it's supposed to make you feel less tired. I figure since I've usually been sleeping about six hours a night anyway, might as well add a 20-minute nap and see if it helps.

Off to bed!

mess

I'm the mess. I'm at fault. If I'm unhappy about my life at all, I have only myself to blame.

It's time to make a change.

"If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change."
- Michael Jackson

still in shock

It's been two days since MJ died, but I'm still pretty down about it. I've been listening to a lot of songs I hadn't heard before, and I'm ordering some of his greatest hits albums. They're probably available for download, but I'm going for the CD. Probably will rip the songs into the computer, but I want to have a tangible reminder.

All yesterday, I just played Michael Jackson on the computer the whole time, and didn't even want to get up to get my print-outs. Everything I did yesterday just seemed so different. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but from working out in the morning to doing my work in the office to the drive home, it just felt different. I guess I always thought of him as being larger than life, but forgot that even he can't live forever.

I truly pray and hope that he was reconciled with God before he passed, but I'll never know till I get to the other side. God, please have mercy on his soul. He went through so much and had a very difficult life, despite his enormous success. We could always tell that things weren't quite right in his personal life, even barring the child abuse allegations (btw, the guy who brought the first set of allegations was a jerk - wiki it; and the second set, he was declared not guilty on all counts). Guess it goes to show that you can have it all and still have nothing.

a legend has died

I had just gotten out of the gym, got in the car, and was pleasantly surprised to hear "Beat It" playing. After the song had finished, I heard the beginning of another Michael Jackson song, which was weird since stations very seldom play two songs from one artist back-to-back. Changing stations, I realized that a number of stations were all playing MJ songs.

It wasn't till a few minutes later that, between songs, I heard the news and was completely taken aback. I spent the rest of the drive home in a pretty somber mood.

I wasn't a huge fan of Michael Jackson really until maybe late high school/into college years. I'd heard of him, but by the time I was growing up and listening to music, his prime time had passed. But once I started listening to some of his music and (especially) watching some of his music videos, I loved everything about him. The beats, the melodies, the catchiness, and most of all the amazing dance moves.

Michael Jackson was truly one of a kind, in my opinion. No one else, alive or dead, has achieved what he achieved. He called himself the king of pop, and he really was. Even if his personal life was a mess (whose isn't in show biz?), no one can deny that his professional record was untouchable. People still admire his work, and some of those up-and-coming in the music industry still look to him as a model and try to emulate him. I don't think anyone in the music scene has matched his success, though. No one's been quite so pervasive.

His personal life certainly was a mess, though. As far as the child molestations go, I don't know what to believe. People say different things, and with stuff like that, I think people will just believe what they want to believe. But certainly all the plastic surgery, turning his skin white (though I don't know how much of that was surgery and how much was his sickness), and his generally erratic behavior gave him that image of being eccentric/weird. His life was pretty tough, though. Never had a real childhood, since he was on the stage from a very early age. Lived practically his whole life in the spotlight. And the media just tended to magnify and/or exaggerate everything in regard to him. Not to mention all the lawsuits that were filed against him, some perhaps with merit, but others being pretty damned ridiculous. Apparently he got sued by a Billie Jean Jackson in connection with his song some years ago. And all the rumors that went around about him while he was under the radar. While he certainly made a mark on the world, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

Anyway, the world lost a great entertainer today. I'll never forget him, and I know he'll go down as one of the most famous people in history. Extremely talented man he was, and I don't think we'll see another of his caliber for a while.

running out of titles

I have to start writing posts that are more meaningful/interesting. Try to use this to compensate for the rest of my daily life.

I can't really write about my life, because there's nothing interesting going on. I'm working and studying - that's about it. And I work out... and like to cook. Not much else going on.

I need to pick up a hobby.

no appropriate title

Reminded again I have to work on being less awkward in some social situations. Gotta work on knowing when a topic or a joke's become old, and knowing to stop revisiting it after that point. Getting there. Catching myself, and noting for next time.

Watched some of the Cleaner, first season. Looks pretty good. Maybe not my favorite show, but not bad. I'm pretty psyched for the return of Leverage.

I really have to get studying harder. After watching some of the Cleaner, I just fell asleep. Tomorrow hopefully get some studying in. I do want to get the exam over with, but I'm also so sick of looking at the material. Doesn't help that I don't have a good reason for pursuing the CPA. I'll probably put it on my resume, but other than that I don't really plan to associate those three letters with my name. Oh well - next thing to do. Gotta stop complaining and just suck it up.

missed a few days

Pretty fun weekend. Saw the Hangover with some friends from the MBA program on Friday, then chilled at Antoine's house. Neel actually came out this time to chill. I think our normal wolf pack (Mike, Billy, and myself) may have increased by two, now that Antoine's back and Neel is willing to come hang out, albeit 2-3 hours later than scheduled. I was on the phone with him and he said he was on his way to come watch with us, but long story short, he showed up just as the movie ended. I was amused, but really not surprised.

Chilled at Antoine's after the movie, looked at some of his pictures, caught up a bit, talked about how much we all absolutely love the profession we chose, and took a quick tour around his recently renovated home. I ended up sleeping over his place again and rather enjoying his FiOS TV.

Saturday, didn't do a whole lot for the day. Made bread pudding, played some Folklore, probably did some other stuff, then went to church and off to the city for Joey's welcome back party. It was at Empire Hotel, a pretty sweet spot. He pulled a Neel, though. Supposed to start at 10, we got there a bit after 9, but he didn't arrive till almost midnight. Good seeing him, though. Stuck around another hour or so, then headed home. I was hoping to go to Rich & Elizabeth Ann's website launch party, but by the time I was done with the bread pudding and all, it wouldn't have made sense for me to go.

Today, was supposed to go help out at the nursery, but overslept even though I set my alarm. Did some cooking - eggs for brunch, linguine and paella for dinner. Tried to fix the storm door, but we may have to get another set of knobs. Washed two of our cars, but it rained right after. Also rotated the tires on the car I've been driving to work.

We've been watching The Next Food Network Star, and it's been pretty interesting. I know who I want to win, but he does have some competition. Not a lot, but some. What I hope doesn't happen is that they end up choosing someone who'd be good as a Food Network star, but whose show I wouldn't really want to watch. There are a few people in the running who might do a pretty good job as a personality for a show, but a show that the Food Network already has, and that I have little interest in watching. The guy I'd like to see take it would be a nice taste of something different.

quick!

Very late, but should get something in.

Saw great-uncle who lives in California - Uncle Eddie. Went to Uncle Eric's house to see him, had dinner and spent some time there. Fell asleep there too. Good times there.

I had a ridiculous amount of eggs today. Tomorrow's definitely an egg white breakfast. I had a hard-boiled egg for breakfast, Egg Foo Young for lunch (I know, shameful dish for any self-respecting Chinese man to eat, but it's tasty!), and a tea egg at dinner. Lunch may have been a bit too much too, because my stomach was bothering me at the gym. One more set of squats and I might have hurled.

Haven't really been keeping up with the Art of Manliness tasks, though I've been reading them. Some of them I really have to get around to doing, like updating my resume (cause you never know) and creating my budget (again, you never know). Today's was interesting - coming up with your non-negotiable, unalterable terms (N.U.T.s). Gotta get on that one too. Good thing to think about - things that I refuse to compromise on in life. Gonna need to spend some time on that one.

another day

Writing as I watch a lecture for REG. Nothing too exciting today. Played some Folklore. Good game.

Good news - Joey & Antoine are back from Iraq

Bad news - Andrew's on his way to Iraq, and Brian's on his way to Afghanistan

who am I?

At Blimpie today, there was a guy asking the shopkeeper for a large amount of cash. Ended up getting most of what he asked for, but it was just strange. Wonder what was going on there. Shopkeep and the guy were counting the money right in front of me while I waited to get rung up too.

People always say "be yourself," but what does that really mean? It's certainly good to know and remember who you are and try to stay true to that, but where do you draw the line? I think there are environments where you can be yourself and others where you really can't. In the latter, I guess you have to be a version of yourself that will suit said environment. Maybe that's why people who work together like to go out for lunch, go to happy hour after work, and participate in other such events. Because in the office, you really can't be yourself; generally, you have to be a version of yourself. And if you spend too much time in places where you have to be a version of yourself... well then, who are you?

Home is typically a place you can be yourself completely. I think a good way to get to know someone is to see the way they act at home. After all, the people at home are the people you never need to pretend or be someone else around, since they already know who you are. So truly, you can act normally and freely without having to worry about what people think, etc.

But it's arguable that maybe trying to be a version of yourself may do more harm than good, especially if there are too many versions you have to keep up with. Maybe it is good advice to "be yourself."

Perhaps the true answer is that we have to be who God has made us to be. It might not always be politically correct, it might not always please people, but I don't think God is a big fan of people who act one way around one group of people and another way around another group.

I'm quite guilty of this, I realize. Instead of being who God wants me to be all the time, I'm being different versions of myself in different settings, and then being my disgruntled, complaining, commiserating self with people I feel more comfortable around. I'm always way too concerned about what other people think about me, instead of being concerned about what God thinks about me. This is something I need to work on, because life has pretty much sucked trying to live this way, and I'm sure God's not surprised. I need to cling to Him and find my identity in Jesus - not in my job, not in what I studied in college, not in the friends I hang out with, not in the things I like to do and spend my money on - none of these things have sufficed, because none of them are supposed to. It's nothing new. Just a reminder that what I need is not of this world. As much as I might enjoy the things of the world, they'll never make me whole. It has to be Jesus.

I pray that God will work with me on fixing my eyes on Him instead of myself and the world, and I pray that anyone else I know who might be struggling similarly will also find all they need in Him. It's time to stop chasing the wind.

nostalgia

Now I'm writing to avoid studying CPA. I don't know what to write, but I'd rather write nonsense than study. I'm so bad at studying. I get bored so easily, and I find myself welcoming and even looking for distractions. Thank God I didn't go to med school. I'd be dying there.

But even though I hate studying, I really miss college. Undergrad, mostly, but even my time pursuing the MBA at Newark is nostalgic to me. In fact, I feel like listing some of the things I miss about college, separated into undergrad (New Brunswick) and MBA (Newark).

Undergrad at Rutgers New Brunswick:

Dining hall

• Going with people
• Meeting people there
• Staying until the last group of people was ready to leave
• Walking back
• And yep, even the food

Brett Hall (College Ave)

• Talking to friends at their rooms
• Sleeping on the top bunk
• Getting to classes on other campuses on time
• Getting to classes on College Ave late
• Being in a good location to go anywhere
• That time people were singing in the showers
• Seeing different antics going on in the hallways

Suites (Busch)

• Watching and/or playing video games in the lounge
• Watching TV in the lounge
• Visiting and talking to people
• Watching movies with people
• That time that guy walked in by accident
• That time Jen lost a bet
• Long talks in the laundry room
• If you call a roommate a roomie, what do you call a suitemate?
  
• Chinese take-out for study sessions in the main lounge
• That time Danny got hooked on Prison Break and wouldn't leave the building during finals
  
• Last-minute studying for orgo exams, and the lazy stupor after orgo exams

In general

• Working at the computer lab and making friends in the process
• Getting involved with student orgs and making friends there
• TASA Night Market
• CCF in general
• Campus Crusade retreats and staff
• Riding a scooter around campus
• The feeling of liberation after orgo lab was over
• Going to Applebee's or Fountainbleau after hours
• Random night outings
• Crashing at my friends' suite for an entire year (thanks again guys)
• Housing two friends during a summer

MBA at Newark:

• Hanging out in the classroom between classes or after class and kinda misusing Rutgers bandwidth (movies, Youtube, etc.)
• Watching a movie the night before the Marketing Exam (Wanted and Space Chimps ftw)
• Misquotations of certain classmates that cast doubt upon their masculinity
• Beating the game
• Bill's great egg sandwiches, especially the Western Omelette
• Studying into the late hours of the night at the law library
  
• That time RUPD thought our classmates were homeless people before the Intermediate exam
• Sleeping on the train ride to Newark
• Taking the train back with friends
• Chaotic but enjoyable trips to New York with Antoine, including the time we got bailed out by Neel
  
• Late dinners at Al's, usually after a cheap movie
• Double-feature of Hellboy and the Dark Knight... and being among the first to get into the latter
• $1 hot dogs, $6 movies
• Building fires at Mike's house
• BBQs at Antoine's house, especially the last one that was at like 3am
• Sleeping over at Antoine's, Mike's, and Neel's (thanks again, guys)
• Certain classmate always being late
• Another classmate always making things interesting
• That time a certain classmate was in... intense discussion with a professor, while we were right there
• Secret signals telling Eunice to leave already instead of sticking around to help
  
• My New Haircut
• Wrap it up Box
• Fridays off
• Lots of optimism for the future
• Looking forward to, instead of back at graduation
  
• Slipping out of class to grab free food from the Esterly Lounge
• Certain classmate getting woken up by a cop while sleeping in her car
• Seeing the Letterman show, hitting up a bar, and then grabbing some chicken & rice
  
• Other random outings and good times together
  
• Spaghetti night at Soled's place, and Morristown afterward
• Trying the Mentos and seltzer experiment the night before graduation, and getting caught by the cops
  

I'm sure there's a lot more, but it's been fun reminiscing. Sometimes I wish things like this could last longer. Maybe not forever, but longer. Now and then I'll get a taste of what life was like back then, whether from visiting a friend at college or hanging out with the old crew, and I miss that lifestyle so much.

It's true what people say about their college years. I don't for a second regret not studying more (but I'm not advocating not studying, to be clear), but I would totally regret not getting to know people as much as I could have. I've forgotten about all the grades I was so proud of at the time, but I won't forget about that time we got into a mess and a friend came and bailed us out. I don't remember much about graduation, but I remember all the times spent with friends doing random stuff. As far as what I learned academically, I remember enough to do what I need to do, but I remember inside jokes, funny occurrences, and other stupid stuff much more vividly. Basically, I don't remember much regarding the "important" stuff, i.e., the stuff you go to college for, but what sticks with me is the memories of spending time with people and getting to know them.

So yeah, I really miss college. If you're still in college, make the most of the time you have left. Think about what you're saying if/when you say you can't wait to graduate. You have the rest of your life to not be in college. Enjoy it while you can. Depends on your experience, I suppose, but I would be very surprised if after graduation you don't miss the ride.

another late night

Bread pudding from last night was good, both hot out of the oven and lukewarm over the course of today. All gone by now. Rather good use of stale bread.

Marissa made deviled eggs, which came out pretty nice. We can totally make those for the next party/get-together, in addition to kaldereta and bread pudding.

Made spaghetti for dinner (and tomorrow's lunch) using ground chicken, fresh basil from the plant we bought recently, and chorizo, in addition to the normal ingredients. Came out not bad, but could've used some more tomato sauce. Next time, totally putting chopped hot dogs in the mix and adding sugar... Filipino style.

Still sleeping too late. Have to work on that.

oops

Missed last night. Fell asleep.

Went shopping yesterday. Got some new pants and a new shirt. Still need a new belt.

Next time I go to Singa's, I'd better be damn sure that someone is gonna help me eat hot pepper & onion pizza before I order it again. Eating the whole pie or most of it hasn't been good for me.

so late

Sleeping soon. Just should put in my two cents.

People ate the kaldereta up. I'm glad. Didn't have to bring anything back home.

Ate dinner at Singa's with Joyce & Joanna, then went to their church Bible study. Good times.

Good night.

too late

Need to sleep, but gotta write first.

Alumni event was pretty good. Food wasn't bad, the speaker was pretty good, got to catch up with some friends.

Cooked some kaldereta at home (with much help from the family) for tomorrow's international day. Seems to have come out pretty good. Course kaldereta doesn't look particularly appetizing although it is pretty delicious. But hopefully people will eat it.

Tomorrow should be fun. International day at the office, Singa's for dinner...

Oh, and I'm gonna try to start the healthier eating tomorrow. Already have the egg boiled, just have to grab it before I leave.

almost missed

Would've been pretty bad to screw up this journal habit on only the second day. Especially considering I haven't followed through on all of the tasks I've been assigned.

The stuff I'm working on at work is pretty confusing. I've asked many people for help with it, but it seems no one who's still there really has done it before or can really provide much assistance, so I've kind of been reinventing the wheel. My cube still has a lot of boxes of old files in it, because I need them to look at information from prior years. Still have trouble getting in there.

Finally took care of two items of personal business today that I'd been putting off for some time. Mailed materials to Health Advocate to get their help with an insurance claim, and talked to Becker about my software failing. Also got my NTS the other day for REG, so I can schedule that soon. I'd originally planned on taking it in July, but I might defer to August... or at least late July. That would mean I'd be taking BEC in October most likely. Or try to cram it in a month or so and take it late August. At least BEC should be pretty straightforward. REG's kind of annoying.

I'm going to start eating healthier. More protein, more small meals rather than three big ones, more fruits & veggies, and much less processed food. I'll probably have to pass on birthday goodies most of the time. And if I'm in the office for my birthday, in addition to the customary bagels I'll bring in fruit or something. Though my breakfast of choice would be eggs, I think it'd be weird to bring in eggs for one's birthday.

Tomorrow morning's loaded with training. At least I won't have to look at reconciliations till after lunch. And then Rutgers alumni event. And then rush home to cook kaldereta for Friday's international food day. Big day. Time to rest.

let's try this

I'm trying to follow this thing on a website I subscribe to on Google Reader called 30 Days to a Better Man, and one of the days' tasks is to start a journal and write in it every day. I've written here before, but you could hardly even call it occasional. From now on, I'm gonna try to write every day, even if it's just one line (which if you've read any kind of blog or e-mail I've ever written, is kind of unlikely).

For the record (and those who don't know), I'm currently working in the Accounting Department at Chubb Group of Insurance Companies. I'm in a rotation program wherein I spend a few months in a couple different sections of said department, and after a year, I can choose from the open positions. I've finished college, both undergrad and masters (MBA from Rutgers Newark), and my life is mostly work and studying for the CPA.

Currently living at home, which is still pretty good. It's nice not having to pay for a lot of stuff that I'd have to pay for if I moved out. Still, I sometimes think it might be nice to try to make it on my own.

My situation is pretty sweet, but let me tell you, I really do not like the CPA. It's one of the most annoying exams out there, and it's on some of the most boring subject matter known to man. Sometimes I forget why I'm doing it, but I've passed two out of four parts, so I figure might as well, n'est-ce pas? Can't wait till this junk is over. Maybe I'll enjoy life a little more then.

Oh, and my mom won't stop bothering me about studying. It's like I'm still in high school. I love my mom, but I wish she would give it a rest. I'm two and two, and it ain't because of her nagging. It's because God's looking out for me. Yes, I'm attributing it to God. Why? Cause I can't study for beans. I'm easily distracted, and I usually welcome distractions. There's no way I could've done half as well as I have if God wasn't involved.

Other than CPA, life ain't bad. I run before work every day, and lift most days after work. I don't run or lift enough to spit out stats without embarassing myself, though, so I'll leave it at that. I'd like to get into some more natural types of exercise, though, such as what's known as MovNat (Movement Naturelle), which was recently featured in Men's Health.