siesta?

Been pretty tired lately, so I'm planning to try this thing called the Siesta Method, wherein you take a 20-minute nap during the day, then sleep six hours at night, and it's supposed to make you feel less tired. I figure since I've usually been sleeping about six hours a night anyway, might as well add a 20-minute nap and see if it helps.

Off to bed!

mess

I'm the mess. I'm at fault. If I'm unhappy about my life at all, I have only myself to blame.

It's time to make a change.

"If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change."
- Michael Jackson

still in shock

It's been two days since MJ died, but I'm still pretty down about it. I've been listening to a lot of songs I hadn't heard before, and I'm ordering some of his greatest hits albums. They're probably available for download, but I'm going for the CD. Probably will rip the songs into the computer, but I want to have a tangible reminder.

All yesterday, I just played Michael Jackson on the computer the whole time, and didn't even want to get up to get my print-outs. Everything I did yesterday just seemed so different. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but from working out in the morning to doing my work in the office to the drive home, it just felt different. I guess I always thought of him as being larger than life, but forgot that even he can't live forever.

I truly pray and hope that he was reconciled with God before he passed, but I'll never know till I get to the other side. God, please have mercy on his soul. He went through so much and had a very difficult life, despite his enormous success. We could always tell that things weren't quite right in his personal life, even barring the child abuse allegations (btw, the guy who brought the first set of allegations was a jerk - wiki it; and the second set, he was declared not guilty on all counts). Guess it goes to show that you can have it all and still have nothing.

a legend has died

I had just gotten out of the gym, got in the car, and was pleasantly surprised to hear "Beat It" playing. After the song had finished, I heard the beginning of another Michael Jackson song, which was weird since stations very seldom play two songs from one artist back-to-back. Changing stations, I realized that a number of stations were all playing MJ songs.

It wasn't till a few minutes later that, between songs, I heard the news and was completely taken aback. I spent the rest of the drive home in a pretty somber mood.

I wasn't a huge fan of Michael Jackson really until maybe late high school/into college years. I'd heard of him, but by the time I was growing up and listening to music, his prime time had passed. But once I started listening to some of his music and (especially) watching some of his music videos, I loved everything about him. The beats, the melodies, the catchiness, and most of all the amazing dance moves.

Michael Jackson was truly one of a kind, in my opinion. No one else, alive or dead, has achieved what he achieved. He called himself the king of pop, and he really was. Even if his personal life was a mess (whose isn't in show biz?), no one can deny that his professional record was untouchable. People still admire his work, and some of those up-and-coming in the music industry still look to him as a model and try to emulate him. I don't think anyone in the music scene has matched his success, though. No one's been quite so pervasive.

His personal life certainly was a mess, though. As far as the child molestations go, I don't know what to believe. People say different things, and with stuff like that, I think people will just believe what they want to believe. But certainly all the plastic surgery, turning his skin white (though I don't know how much of that was surgery and how much was his sickness), and his generally erratic behavior gave him that image of being eccentric/weird. His life was pretty tough, though. Never had a real childhood, since he was on the stage from a very early age. Lived practically his whole life in the spotlight. And the media just tended to magnify and/or exaggerate everything in regard to him. Not to mention all the lawsuits that were filed against him, some perhaps with merit, but others being pretty damned ridiculous. Apparently he got sued by a Billie Jean Jackson in connection with his song some years ago. And all the rumors that went around about him while he was under the radar. While he certainly made a mark on the world, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

Anyway, the world lost a great entertainer today. I'll never forget him, and I know he'll go down as one of the most famous people in history. Extremely talented man he was, and I don't think we'll see another of his caliber for a while.

running out of titles

I have to start writing posts that are more meaningful/interesting. Try to use this to compensate for the rest of my daily life.

I can't really write about my life, because there's nothing interesting going on. I'm working and studying - that's about it. And I work out... and like to cook. Not much else going on.

I need to pick up a hobby.

no appropriate title

Reminded again I have to work on being less awkward in some social situations. Gotta work on knowing when a topic or a joke's become old, and knowing to stop revisiting it after that point. Getting there. Catching myself, and noting for next time.

Watched some of the Cleaner, first season. Looks pretty good. Maybe not my favorite show, but not bad. I'm pretty psyched for the return of Leverage.

I really have to get studying harder. After watching some of the Cleaner, I just fell asleep. Tomorrow hopefully get some studying in. I do want to get the exam over with, but I'm also so sick of looking at the material. Doesn't help that I don't have a good reason for pursuing the CPA. I'll probably put it on my resume, but other than that I don't really plan to associate those three letters with my name. Oh well - next thing to do. Gotta stop complaining and just suck it up.

missed a few days

Pretty fun weekend. Saw the Hangover with some friends from the MBA program on Friday, then chilled at Antoine's house. Neel actually came out this time to chill. I think our normal wolf pack (Mike, Billy, and myself) may have increased by two, now that Antoine's back and Neel is willing to come hang out, albeit 2-3 hours later than scheduled. I was on the phone with him and he said he was on his way to come watch with us, but long story short, he showed up just as the movie ended. I was amused, but really not surprised.

Chilled at Antoine's after the movie, looked at some of his pictures, caught up a bit, talked about how much we all absolutely love the profession we chose, and took a quick tour around his recently renovated home. I ended up sleeping over his place again and rather enjoying his FiOS TV.

Saturday, didn't do a whole lot for the day. Made bread pudding, played some Folklore, probably did some other stuff, then went to church and off to the city for Joey's welcome back party. It was at Empire Hotel, a pretty sweet spot. He pulled a Neel, though. Supposed to start at 10, we got there a bit after 9, but he didn't arrive till almost midnight. Good seeing him, though. Stuck around another hour or so, then headed home. I was hoping to go to Rich & Elizabeth Ann's website launch party, but by the time I was done with the bread pudding and all, it wouldn't have made sense for me to go.

Today, was supposed to go help out at the nursery, but overslept even though I set my alarm. Did some cooking - eggs for brunch, linguine and paella for dinner. Tried to fix the storm door, but we may have to get another set of knobs. Washed two of our cars, but it rained right after. Also rotated the tires on the car I've been driving to work.

We've been watching The Next Food Network Star, and it's been pretty interesting. I know who I want to win, but he does have some competition. Not a lot, but some. What I hope doesn't happen is that they end up choosing someone who'd be good as a Food Network star, but whose show I wouldn't really want to watch. There are a few people in the running who might do a pretty good job as a personality for a show, but a show that the Food Network already has, and that I have little interest in watching. The guy I'd like to see take it would be a nice taste of something different.

quick!

Very late, but should get something in.

Saw great-uncle who lives in California - Uncle Eddie. Went to Uncle Eric's house to see him, had dinner and spent some time there. Fell asleep there too. Good times there.

I had a ridiculous amount of eggs today. Tomorrow's definitely an egg white breakfast. I had a hard-boiled egg for breakfast, Egg Foo Young for lunch (I know, shameful dish for any self-respecting Chinese man to eat, but it's tasty!), and a tea egg at dinner. Lunch may have been a bit too much too, because my stomach was bothering me at the gym. One more set of squats and I might have hurled.

Haven't really been keeping up with the Art of Manliness tasks, though I've been reading them. Some of them I really have to get around to doing, like updating my resume (cause you never know) and creating my budget (again, you never know). Today's was interesting - coming up with your non-negotiable, unalterable terms (N.U.T.s). Gotta get on that one too. Good thing to think about - things that I refuse to compromise on in life. Gonna need to spend some time on that one.

another day

Writing as I watch a lecture for REG. Nothing too exciting today. Played some Folklore. Good game.

Good news - Joey & Antoine are back from Iraq

Bad news - Andrew's on his way to Iraq, and Brian's on his way to Afghanistan

who am I?

At Blimpie today, there was a guy asking the shopkeeper for a large amount of cash. Ended up getting most of what he asked for, but it was just strange. Wonder what was going on there. Shopkeep and the guy were counting the money right in front of me while I waited to get rung up too.

People always say "be yourself," but what does that really mean? It's certainly good to know and remember who you are and try to stay true to that, but where do you draw the line? I think there are environments where you can be yourself and others where you really can't. In the latter, I guess you have to be a version of yourself that will suit said environment. Maybe that's why people who work together like to go out for lunch, go to happy hour after work, and participate in other such events. Because in the office, you really can't be yourself; generally, you have to be a version of yourself. And if you spend too much time in places where you have to be a version of yourself... well then, who are you?

Home is typically a place you can be yourself completely. I think a good way to get to know someone is to see the way they act at home. After all, the people at home are the people you never need to pretend or be someone else around, since they already know who you are. So truly, you can act normally and freely without having to worry about what people think, etc.

But it's arguable that maybe trying to be a version of yourself may do more harm than good, especially if there are too many versions you have to keep up with. Maybe it is good advice to "be yourself."

Perhaps the true answer is that we have to be who God has made us to be. It might not always be politically correct, it might not always please people, but I don't think God is a big fan of people who act one way around one group of people and another way around another group.

I'm quite guilty of this, I realize. Instead of being who God wants me to be all the time, I'm being different versions of myself in different settings, and then being my disgruntled, complaining, commiserating self with people I feel more comfortable around. I'm always way too concerned about what other people think about me, instead of being concerned about what God thinks about me. This is something I need to work on, because life has pretty much sucked trying to live this way, and I'm sure God's not surprised. I need to cling to Him and find my identity in Jesus - not in my job, not in what I studied in college, not in the friends I hang out with, not in the things I like to do and spend my money on - none of these things have sufficed, because none of them are supposed to. It's nothing new. Just a reminder that what I need is not of this world. As much as I might enjoy the things of the world, they'll never make me whole. It has to be Jesus.

I pray that God will work with me on fixing my eyes on Him instead of myself and the world, and I pray that anyone else I know who might be struggling similarly will also find all they need in Him. It's time to stop chasing the wind.

nostalgia

Now I'm writing to avoid studying CPA. I don't know what to write, but I'd rather write nonsense than study. I'm so bad at studying. I get bored so easily, and I find myself welcoming and even looking for distractions. Thank God I didn't go to med school. I'd be dying there.

But even though I hate studying, I really miss college. Undergrad, mostly, but even my time pursuing the MBA at Newark is nostalgic to me. In fact, I feel like listing some of the things I miss about college, separated into undergrad (New Brunswick) and MBA (Newark).

Undergrad at Rutgers New Brunswick:

Dining hall

• Going with people
• Meeting people there
• Staying until the last group of people was ready to leave
• Walking back
• And yep, even the food

Brett Hall (College Ave)

• Talking to friends at their rooms
• Sleeping on the top bunk
• Getting to classes on other campuses on time
• Getting to classes on College Ave late
• Being in a good location to go anywhere
• That time people were singing in the showers
• Seeing different antics going on in the hallways

Suites (Busch)

• Watching and/or playing video games in the lounge
• Watching TV in the lounge
• Visiting and talking to people
• Watching movies with people
• That time that guy walked in by accident
• That time Jen lost a bet
• Long talks in the laundry room
• If you call a roommate a roomie, what do you call a suitemate?
  
• Chinese take-out for study sessions in the main lounge
• That time Danny got hooked on Prison Break and wouldn't leave the building during finals
  
• Last-minute studying for orgo exams, and the lazy stupor after orgo exams

In general

• Working at the computer lab and making friends in the process
• Getting involved with student orgs and making friends there
• TASA Night Market
• CCF in general
• Campus Crusade retreats and staff
• Riding a scooter around campus
• The feeling of liberation after orgo lab was over
• Going to Applebee's or Fountainbleau after hours
• Random night outings
• Crashing at my friends' suite for an entire year (thanks again guys)
• Housing two friends during a summer

MBA at Newark:

• Hanging out in the classroom between classes or after class and kinda misusing Rutgers bandwidth (movies, Youtube, etc.)
• Watching a movie the night before the Marketing Exam (Wanted and Space Chimps ftw)
• Misquotations of certain classmates that cast doubt upon their masculinity
• Beating the game
• Bill's great egg sandwiches, especially the Western Omelette
• Studying into the late hours of the night at the law library
  
• That time RUPD thought our classmates were homeless people before the Intermediate exam
• Sleeping on the train ride to Newark
• Taking the train back with friends
• Chaotic but enjoyable trips to New York with Antoine, including the time we got bailed out by Neel
  
• Late dinners at Al's, usually after a cheap movie
• Double-feature of Hellboy and the Dark Knight... and being among the first to get into the latter
• $1 hot dogs, $6 movies
• Building fires at Mike's house
• BBQs at Antoine's house, especially the last one that was at like 3am
• Sleeping over at Antoine's, Mike's, and Neel's (thanks again, guys)
• Certain classmate always being late
• Another classmate always making things interesting
• That time a certain classmate was in... intense discussion with a professor, while we were right there
• Secret signals telling Eunice to leave already instead of sticking around to help
  
• My New Haircut
• Wrap it up Box
• Fridays off
• Lots of optimism for the future
• Looking forward to, instead of back at graduation
  
• Slipping out of class to grab free food from the Esterly Lounge
• Certain classmate getting woken up by a cop while sleeping in her car
• Seeing the Letterman show, hitting up a bar, and then grabbing some chicken & rice
  
• Other random outings and good times together
  
• Spaghetti night at Soled's place, and Morristown afterward
• Trying the Mentos and seltzer experiment the night before graduation, and getting caught by the cops
  

I'm sure there's a lot more, but it's been fun reminiscing. Sometimes I wish things like this could last longer. Maybe not forever, but longer. Now and then I'll get a taste of what life was like back then, whether from visiting a friend at college or hanging out with the old crew, and I miss that lifestyle so much.

It's true what people say about their college years. I don't for a second regret not studying more (but I'm not advocating not studying, to be clear), but I would totally regret not getting to know people as much as I could have. I've forgotten about all the grades I was so proud of at the time, but I won't forget about that time we got into a mess and a friend came and bailed us out. I don't remember much about graduation, but I remember all the times spent with friends doing random stuff. As far as what I learned academically, I remember enough to do what I need to do, but I remember inside jokes, funny occurrences, and other stupid stuff much more vividly. Basically, I don't remember much regarding the "important" stuff, i.e., the stuff you go to college for, but what sticks with me is the memories of spending time with people and getting to know them.

So yeah, I really miss college. If you're still in college, make the most of the time you have left. Think about what you're saying if/when you say you can't wait to graduate. You have the rest of your life to not be in college. Enjoy it while you can. Depends on your experience, I suppose, but I would be very surprised if after graduation you don't miss the ride.

another late night

Bread pudding from last night was good, both hot out of the oven and lukewarm over the course of today. All gone by now. Rather good use of stale bread.

Marissa made deviled eggs, which came out pretty nice. We can totally make those for the next party/get-together, in addition to kaldereta and bread pudding.

Made spaghetti for dinner (and tomorrow's lunch) using ground chicken, fresh basil from the plant we bought recently, and chorizo, in addition to the normal ingredients. Came out not bad, but could've used some more tomato sauce. Next time, totally putting chopped hot dogs in the mix and adding sugar... Filipino style.

Still sleeping too late. Have to work on that.

oops

Missed last night. Fell asleep.

Went shopping yesterday. Got some new pants and a new shirt. Still need a new belt.

Next time I go to Singa's, I'd better be damn sure that someone is gonna help me eat hot pepper & onion pizza before I order it again. Eating the whole pie or most of it hasn't been good for me.

so late

Sleeping soon. Just should put in my two cents.

People ate the kaldereta up. I'm glad. Didn't have to bring anything back home.

Ate dinner at Singa's with Joyce & Joanna, then went to their church Bible study. Good times.

Good night.

too late

Need to sleep, but gotta write first.

Alumni event was pretty good. Food wasn't bad, the speaker was pretty good, got to catch up with some friends.

Cooked some kaldereta at home (with much help from the family) for tomorrow's international day. Seems to have come out pretty good. Course kaldereta doesn't look particularly appetizing although it is pretty delicious. But hopefully people will eat it.

Tomorrow should be fun. International day at the office, Singa's for dinner...

Oh, and I'm gonna try to start the healthier eating tomorrow. Already have the egg boiled, just have to grab it before I leave.

almost missed

Would've been pretty bad to screw up this journal habit on only the second day. Especially considering I haven't followed through on all of the tasks I've been assigned.

The stuff I'm working on at work is pretty confusing. I've asked many people for help with it, but it seems no one who's still there really has done it before or can really provide much assistance, so I've kind of been reinventing the wheel. My cube still has a lot of boxes of old files in it, because I need them to look at information from prior years. Still have trouble getting in there.

Finally took care of two items of personal business today that I'd been putting off for some time. Mailed materials to Health Advocate to get their help with an insurance claim, and talked to Becker about my software failing. Also got my NTS the other day for REG, so I can schedule that soon. I'd originally planned on taking it in July, but I might defer to August... or at least late July. That would mean I'd be taking BEC in October most likely. Or try to cram it in a month or so and take it late August. At least BEC should be pretty straightforward. REG's kind of annoying.

I'm going to start eating healthier. More protein, more small meals rather than three big ones, more fruits & veggies, and much less processed food. I'll probably have to pass on birthday goodies most of the time. And if I'm in the office for my birthday, in addition to the customary bagels I'll bring in fruit or something. Though my breakfast of choice would be eggs, I think it'd be weird to bring in eggs for one's birthday.

Tomorrow morning's loaded with training. At least I won't have to look at reconciliations till after lunch. And then Rutgers alumni event. And then rush home to cook kaldereta for Friday's international food day. Big day. Time to rest.

let's try this

I'm trying to follow this thing on a website I subscribe to on Google Reader called 30 Days to a Better Man, and one of the days' tasks is to start a journal and write in it every day. I've written here before, but you could hardly even call it occasional. From now on, I'm gonna try to write every day, even if it's just one line (which if you've read any kind of blog or e-mail I've ever written, is kind of unlikely).

For the record (and those who don't know), I'm currently working in the Accounting Department at Chubb Group of Insurance Companies. I'm in a rotation program wherein I spend a few months in a couple different sections of said department, and after a year, I can choose from the open positions. I've finished college, both undergrad and masters (MBA from Rutgers Newark), and my life is mostly work and studying for the CPA.

Currently living at home, which is still pretty good. It's nice not having to pay for a lot of stuff that I'd have to pay for if I moved out. Still, I sometimes think it might be nice to try to make it on my own.

My situation is pretty sweet, but let me tell you, I really do not like the CPA. It's one of the most annoying exams out there, and it's on some of the most boring subject matter known to man. Sometimes I forget why I'm doing it, but I've passed two out of four parts, so I figure might as well, n'est-ce pas? Can't wait till this junk is over. Maybe I'll enjoy life a little more then.

Oh, and my mom won't stop bothering me about studying. It's like I'm still in high school. I love my mom, but I wish she would give it a rest. I'm two and two, and it ain't because of her nagging. It's because God's looking out for me. Yes, I'm attributing it to God. Why? Cause I can't study for beans. I'm easily distracted, and I usually welcome distractions. There's no way I could've done half as well as I have if God wasn't involved.

Other than CPA, life ain't bad. I run before work every day, and lift most days after work. I don't run or lift enough to spit out stats without embarassing myself, though, so I'll leave it at that. I'd like to get into some more natural types of exercise, though, such as what's known as MovNat (Movement Naturelle), which was recently featured in Men's Health.